


Above Water

by bitboozy



Series: Domesticated [35]
Category: Broadchurch
Genre: Established Relationship, F/M, Family, Hurt/Comfort, Mild Case Fic, Post-Series, Romance, Sliiiight trauma? But no graphic descriptions, This is a love story
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-10
Updated: 2020-01-19
Packaged: 2021-02-27 15:53:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,007
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22199677
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bitboozy/pseuds/bitboozy
Summary: As Ellie finally returns to work, she is plagued by guilt and self-doubt while Alec is once again plagued by his old nightmares.
Relationships: Alec Hardy/Ellie Miller
Series: Domesticated [35]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1550554
Comments: 39
Kudos: 127





	1. Chapter 1

He rarely has nightmares anymore.

In fact, they hardly noticed as _both_ their penchants for nightmares began to dissolve the longer they were together. When they started to spend the night together, they slept infinitely better. When her bed became their bed, they would have been perfectly happy never to leave it. For both of them, the frequency of their respective nightmares dwindled and now, just over sixteen months into their relationship, they seem to have vanished entirely.

Until one very early morning in mid-winter when Alec has his first return to the river in nearly six months. It’s still dark, but the sky has the vaguest hint of pink around the edges. Ellie is fast asleep on her side, facing him, while he lays on his back, writhing. His body is drenched with sweat, adding to the sensation that he is submerged in the water. He flips onto his front and in his flailing whacks Ellie with his arms. She recoils, opening one eye, then the other. He’s shaking his head in his sleep, one leg kicking at something she cannot discern.

“Alec,” she says, at first in a whisper. “Hey.” She places a hand on his chest, trying to steady him. “ _Alec_.” She presses down on his shoulder, then touches his cheek. “ _Hardy_!”

His eyes open. He looks around frantically, then his finally sets his sights on her. She turns his head to face her.

“You’re all right, love. It’s all right.”

Still breathing heavily, he launches himself at her, attaching himself fully to her body like a barnacle. She wraps her arms tightly around his sweaty form and he tucks his head under her chin.

“Shh, shh. You’re at home, I’ve got you.”

She strokes his hair and rubs his back as he catches his breath. She waits for his heartbeat to steady again.

Tentatively, she asks, “Was is the same old – “

“Yeah,” he replies hoarsely. “Except…”

He grips her tighter, nestling his face in between her breasts and locking their ankles together.

“What, love?” She can feel his heartbeat picking up again.

“Wasn’t Pippa."

Her whole body stiffens. She’d prefer to end the conversation right there. But she knows she can’t.

He slips a hand under her shirt and grasps at the flesh at her hip. “It was Aila.”

Her stomach drops, breath catching in her throat. She immediately starts shaking her head, trying to keep the image from forming in her mind. Then he starts crying into her shirt, she can feel the hot tears soaking through it. She’s gripping _his_ shirt like she’s trying to keep him above water.

“Put it out of your mind,” she says, uselessly, and feeling as much. “She’s fine. She’s in her crib.” Without moving the rest of her body she reaches for the video monitor on her nightstand. Aila is indeed fast asleep. “See. Look. Alec, look at her.”

He raises his head to see the screen.

“Look at her, see the rise and fall of her breathing, she’s fine. She’s perfect,” Ellie tells him.

He nods, then nestles back into her. She takes one last look then puts the monitor back to its place.

“She’s safe,” Ellie continues, softly stroking his hair again. “You’re safe. There’s no water.”

It’s moments like this when she wishes she could tell him to go take a shower. Wash it off, recover. But this is a scenario in which that would never help him.

She makes a point to stay awake until she’s certain he has fallen back asleep. Until his heartbeat is regular again and his breathing has slowed. Only then does she allow herself to drift off.

Alec awakes a few hours later to find he has curled up into an Ellie who is sitting up against the headboard, nursing Aila. He can hear the baby’s little suckling noises before he sees her. He sits up, a smile ready on his face, leaning against Ellie.

“Good morning, sleepyhead,” she says affectionately, and he can feel her relief when she sees his relaxed expression.

“Mm, mornin’.” He kisses her shoulder and gazes down at the baby. “And good mornin’ to you, wee one.”

Predictably, Aila detaches from Ellie’s nipple to smile at him. His entire body melts into Ellie’s at that. Ellie lets it go on for a moment, then guides the baby back to continue eating.

“Thanks for bringin’ her in here,” he says.

“Wanted her to be the first thing you saw when you woke up.”

Alec strokes Aila’s arm, and then she grip his index finger and doesn’t let go.

“Like to just call out of work and stay here all day,” Alec says wistfully.

Suddenly she’s glaring at him and he remembers. Today is to be her first day back at work.

“Sorry,” he amends quickly.

She’s been a bit on edge about the whole thing the last few days. So much of her is desperate to get back to her work and to her old self. And yet the rest of her is absolutely torn to pieces about leaving the baby. She’d taken a much longer maternity leave than she planned, double in fact, and she attributes this to Aila being born premature. But she’s become increasingly aware that it went beyond that. Ellie decided to negotiate a bit with Jenkinson, and they’d decided that for the first few weeks, Ellie will work half days. CID in the mornings, back home with the baby in the afternoons. Alec finds the arrangement a little optimistic, knowing how their work seems to transcend time and overflow into everything else. But he’ll let her have this for as long she believes it will work.

Satisfied though she is with the arrangement, Ellie feels a bit like she’s betraying _herself_. She had planned to take eight weeks of maternity leave. With Fred, that was the amount she had taken. She tells herself it was different then. It was much easier to leave Fred knowing he would be with his father, knowing that at least one of them would still be with him. It’s a different thing altogether, she thinks, with both parents back at work, leaving Aila with a new person. Not being able to _explain_ to her what’s going on. If she could just say, “Mummy will be back, don’t you fret,” and have her _understand_ , it would all be better. But as it is, the idea of Aila spending her whole day wondering if her mother is ever coming back absolutely _agonizes_ her.

It’s irrational, of course. She knows it. She knows that Aila’s awareness of how long she’s been gone will be little to none. But it still consumes her. And for that she feels guilty. She is a woman who has always been very much focused on the career she loves. She has worked incredibly hard for the last fifteen years to balance her job and motherhood as best she could. Much as she hoped it would, it turns out the anguish of being torn between the two never eases.

“She’s done,” Ellie says, glancing over at Alec. “Will you take her while I have a shower?”

He grabs a baby rag from his nightstand and tosses it over his shoulder, then reaches for Aila eagerly. He sits up right and lays her at his shoulder, patting her back gently. Ellie climbs out of bed and heads straight for the loo. He hears the water turn on, then watches her undress unceremoniously.

“Hey, El.”

“Hmm.” She doesn’t turn around.

“Nice arse.”

She looks over her shoulder at him with a smirk and a raised eyebrow. Then disappears from view as she gets into the shower.

He listens to the shower and tries to focus on Aila, moving to cradle her in his arms once she’s been properly burped. If he closes his eyes, he might see the river again, might hear the river. But there’s Aila, squirming happily in his arms, looking up at him with pure contentment. Her life is perfect to her, he knows. She has everything she needs and she barely knows how to want yet. She is happiest being held by one of her parents, but she is also quite glad to be able to watch her family’s casual antics from her bouncer. Everything is easy and makes sense to her. The strongest feelings she has are about Ellie’s tits. On this score she and Alec relate, he thinks with a silent chuckle.

As Aila kicks her legs happily in his arms, his thoughts turn to a place they’ve only been once or twice, which is still far too much. He thinks about how, if Joe Miller had never murdered Danny Latimer, Aila Grace Hardy would not exist. From time to time even before Aila was born, Alec had wondered, with enormous guilt, what his life would be like nice if Joe had never killed Danny. Though he has never liked the word _soulmate_ , he is unequivocally certain that Ellie is his. And if she’d never had occasion to leave Joe, would she ever have felt the same? Would she ever have known?

Or would it still have happened somehow? Would they, as accused, have wound up in some wildly complicated affair? He can’t imagine Ellie doing something like that under any circumstances. Far too moral, his Ellie. Would she have allowed herself to fall in love? Would she have left Joe for him? Or would he have loved her from afar (or, more realistically, from far too close), unrequited?

These thoughts are frankly too much for him to bear but there are times he cannot shake them. He tries to use them to remind himself to be grateful.

The most horrible thought he has ever had in his life, the one for which he will spend his entire existence feeling guilty and mortified, is that he is grateful that Joe Miller murdered Danny Latimer. For that he knows he will never be forgiven.

Aila sneezes and his attention refocuses on her.

“Bless you.”

 _Truly_ , he thinks. _Bless you_.

The shower stops and immediately he hears Ellie start babbling to him. This happens often. She has so many thoughts whilst in the shower that the minute she turns it off, they all come tumbling out of her immediately.

“You’ll have to let me pump in your office,” she’s saying to him from the loo. “Else I’ll scar everyone for life. The men will never be able to look at me again.”

Alec scoffs. “Fine with me if they don’t.”

She emerges in a towel. “Katie’s going to feel pushed aside upon my return, so be prepared for that. She may act out.”

“She’s not a child, El.”

“Oh isn’t she?” She drops the towel to put on her bra and knickers. “And you _have_ to tell me if I’m leaking. You _cannot_ let me walk around like that.”

He furrows his eyebrows at her. “Why would I do that?”

“Dunno, you’re not very observant, is all.”

“I’m a soddin’ detective!” He exclaims, and Aila kicks him. When he turns down at her, he would swear she was smirking. “And anyway,” he continues, softening. “I’m _quite_ observant when it comes to your tits, so you’ll be just fine.”

She holds up a blouse on a clothes hanger. “I’m going to wear this.”

He sits up straight. “No you’re not. That’s your cheeky blouse.”

“Well I don’t want anyone to think the baby’s _ruined_ me.”

He’s frowning. “I have no idea what that means.”

“I’ll wear a blazer over it, it’s fine.” She puts it on, then walks over to the bed in her blouse and knickers. She climbs onto the mattress on her knees. “Is this going to be a disaster?”

“Don’t see how it could be,” he replies easily. “You’re terrifyingly good at your job.”

She smiles. “Yeah. Bloody well right.” Then she looks away.

“What?”

“It’s just I feel…different. You know? Don’t feel like the Ellie whose water broke in the lab four months ago.”

He nods slowly. “She’ll come back to you. She’s not _so_ long gone.”

“What do you think, little bug?” She strokes the baby’s arm. “Have we got this?”

Aila sneezes. Ellie frowns, then glares in Alec’s direction. “She’s ill, I’m not going.”

***


	2. Chapter 2

The drive to work is a quiet one. Ellie is in the passenger’s seat, positively teeming with nervous energy. Alec barely recognizes the woman beside him anxiously tapping her foot, biting her lip, glancing furtively out the window. He places one hand on her thigh to steady her shaking leg and gives her a reassuring smile, which she hardly seems to notice.

He takes her hand as they walk toward the station. Since the reveal of their relationship, they have not been overtly shy about public displays of affection (to his own surprise, frankly), nor have they hit people over the head with it. This might be the first time they’ve walked into CID hand in hand. But things have changed. They have a four-month-old baby and in six weeks’ time, they’ll be married. There seems little point in curbing their natural affection for one another.

They are the last ones to arrive, despite the fact that it’s not even nine yet. Everyone has gathered early in order to welcome Ellie back upon her arrival. There’s an eruption when they step onto the floor, applause and cheering. Ellie waves them off, cheeks glowing red, and heads straight for her desk. There are flowers waiting for her there, as well as a few of her favourite things – chocolates, crisps, all the things she holds most dear.

“You’re too much, the lot of you!”

Alec had nothing to do with this outpouring of love and hospitality, and he makes a mental note to thank them all. Something he does not do enough.

Once Ellie is settled, he gathers the team for a briefing on the case du jour, the one requiring most of their energies at the moment. It’s an odd domestic case. A husband who is consistently abusing his wife, but who is never anywhere to be found when they’re called to the scene. The wife is beaten and bruised, their year-old child nearby, but the abuser out of sight. This has happened a whopping three times in the last week.

Ellie has heard quite a bit about the case already, benefits of living with the DI, so she is fairly caught up. She suggests that child services be brought in to take the child, lest things escalate. But she is told they have no right to suggest it, not with the mother in the picture, presumably willing and able to take care of her own child despite the situation. She spends the rest of the briefing distracted by the matter of the child.

For the next hour, she sits at her desk studying photos of the injuries and the home, then scrolling through CCTV that has already been well combed through, hoping to find something they’ve missed. She keeps her mobile at the ready always, glancing over at it far too often. Their childminder for the next few months is Erin’s older sister, Molly. She’s twenty-two and taking some time at home after finishing uni, to determine her next move. Of all the candidates they had interviewed, Molly had impressed them with her easy but confident demeanor, and Aila had taken to her quickly. Plus, they like the connection with Erin, who has started to feel like a part of the family. It works perfectly as a temporary job for Molly, who hopes to move back out of the house soon, and Alec and Ellie have decided that once Aila is old enough to socialize, likely around her first birthday, they will send her to daycare.

There have been no texts from Molly.

Alec walks past Ellie’s desk as she’s staring at her mobile. He touches her shoulder as he passes and says, quietly, “No news is good news, love.”

She mocks him to his back as he walks away. In a high-pitched whiney voice, she repeats, “No news is good news, love.” And Katie snorts.

Shortly before noon, she shows up in his office and immediately closes the door behind her.

“Need to pump,” she says.

With an imperceptible sigh, Alec wistfully thinks back to when her sudden appearance in his office followed by a swift closing of the door meant something _much_ naughtier. He wonders if those days are over.

She sits on his couch and settles in with the breast pump, clearly annoyed by the whole thing.

“Do you think Brenna Hall is lying?” Ellie asks suddenly, rubbing her temple.

He looks up with one eyebrow raised. “Do you?”

“I’m not inclined to, no. But it’s possible, isn’t it?”

He takes his reading glasses off. “S’pose.”

“Perhaps she’s got us after the wrong bloke,” she continues. “Sends us after her husband, out of some sort of vendetta, when in fact it’s the abusive boyfriend she’s inexplicably in love with. You know how these sorts of domestic cases can be.”

“Weak motive, though, isn’t it.”

“Dunno.” Ellie shrugs. “People thought I was framing my husband for murder just so I could shag _you_ , of all people. So anything’s possible.”

He glares at her. “Of all people.”

“I said what I said.”

Once she’s finished pumping, she gives him the breast milk. “Put these in the freezer in the break room please.” And then starts putting herself back together.

With a sigh, Alec takes them. “S’pose we ought to…label them.” Frowning in thought, he heads out of the office, hoping nobody will notice him wandering the halls with reusable plastic containers of breast milk. Oh how his life has changed.

At exactly 1pm, she comes running back into his office, coat on, bag in hand. “This is me off,” she says breezily before kissing him on the cheek and turning back out.

He says, “Give Aila a kiss for me,” but she’s already out the door.

Fifteen minutes later, Ellie bursts through the front door of the house with more enthusiasm than she has in a long time. Molly is in the living room bouncing Aila, who seems to be fussy but not crying.

“There’s my baby!” She holds her arms out as she approaches them. Aila begins kicking her legs rapidly.

Molly hands her over, then shakes out her sore arms. Ellie holds Aila to her tightly, a hand at the back of her head, kissing her cheek over and over.

“There’s my sweet girl.” Aila is mouthing at Ellie’s chest and throat happily, and Ellie relishes the sensation. “How was she?” She asks Molly.

“Lovely, mostly,” the young girl replies. “Bit fussy from time to time but I didn’t take it personally. She’s just missing you.”

Ellie thanks Molly and sends her on her way. As she sits down on the couch and nurses a very grateful Aila, she thinks through any motive Brenna Hall could possibly have to bend the truth, occasionally typing up a note on her mobile.

*

When Alec makes it home around 6:45, the three kids are all sitting at the dining room table. Tom and Daisy doing schoolwork, Fred working on a very intense lego project. In fact half of the table, since Christmas, he become a lego work site. So much so that they can no longer _dine_ there as a whole family.

In the living room, Ellie is lying on the floor with Aila, who is grudgingly doing her tummy time. But mostly just lying face down in the carpet.

Alec stands in the doorway. “Fancy findin’ you two lovely lasses here.”

Aila is finally motivated to raise her head at the sound of his voice. Ellie turns from her side onto her back to look up at him.

“Hope you brought dinner with you.”

Alec frowns. “Was I s’posed to?”

“I texted you two hours ago.

He sighs. “My mobile died at the office and my charger is here.”

She groans and glares at him. “How many times have I told you to get a charger specifically to keep at your desk?”

Alec crouches down closer to the floor, smiling at the baby. “I know.”

“Take mine and go order takeaway please.”

“Want to see my baby first,” he insists, reaching for Aila.

“No.” Ellie places a hand on her back and holds her where she is. “Don’t take her from me just yet.”

His eyebrows furrow both in confusion and annoyance. “ _Ellie_ , you’ve been with her the last six hours, that’s longer than you were gone in the first place. I’ve not seen her all bloody day.”

“Go order takeaway, we’re all starved.”

He stares at her dubiously, then stands up, grabbing her mobile, and stalks out of the room. Aila plants her face back into the carpet exhaustedly.

Two hours following, a bit later than normal because of their late dinner of takeaway, it’s Alec who puts Fred to bed and Ellie who rocks Aila to sleep. Long after the baby has drifted off, Ellie stays in the rocking chair holding her, for an hour at least. Alec peeks at them in the darkness through the slightly ajar nursery door, then sighs and continues on his way.

After she finally puts Aila down, she pops into Fred’s room to check on him. The boy is fast asleep and she can’t resist crawling into bed with him. She falls asleep there.

Alec goes to bed around 11pm, alone and resigned to it. Ellie quietly sneaks into the room about an hour later, tip-toeing around as she gets ready for bed.

Groggily, Alec raises his head when the pale light of the loo streams across the bed. She flips off the switch as she walks to the bed.

“Can’t do this every day, you know,” he tells her, voice hoarse and eyelids heavy.

“Go back to sleep,” Ellie whispers. She sits on the edge of her side of the bed, moisturizing her hands.

“Know it’s hard for you,” he says. His back is turned to her and he’s talking into his pillow. “But it’s hard for me too. Bein’ away from them.”

“Mm-hmm.” She’s half-asleep herself, still stuck in the lethargy of her little ill-advised kip in Fred’s bed.

He turns his head, trying to look at her over his shoulder, too tired to move any move than that. “D’you hear me?”

“It’s not the same, Alec,” she says finally, setting an alarm on her mobile.

He turns onto his back. “Bollocks it isn’t.”

“Chemically, I mean.”

“How the hell would you know?” He demands, scowling at her.

She slips underneath the covers, lying on her side with her back to him. “It’s science. It’s different for mums and dads."

“Where’s your evidence. Show it to me.”

“Goodnight, Alec.”

“Hey.” He turns onto his other side now, facing her back. “’s not fair, El, can’t just tap out in the middle of an argument.”

“Well you shouldn’t have _started_ a bloody argument when we’re both half asleep, you knob.”

He turns onto his other side, and they fall asleep with their backs to one another.

It’s nearing three when Alec begins to toss and turn. He throws off the duvet with a flailing limb and writhes underneath the sheet. His pillow is knocked off the bed and Ellie begins to stir next to him. He’s crying in his sleep now. Ellie, still mostly asleep, reaches out for him, hand resting on his back. Then she registers the violent shuddering of his body and forces her heavy eyelids open.

“Alec,” she whispers, loudly enough to wake him. “Love, wake up.”

She touches his face and the warmth of her hand rouses him. His eyes open and meet hers. She searches his for a moment questioningly, then pulls him into her arms.

“Again?” She asks softly.

“Different,” he murmurs into her chest.

“Baby?” Ellie questions with some trepidation.

He shakes his head. “Daisy was me,” he replies. “And I was Bridget.”

Ellie blinks rapidly. She knows exactly what he means, though it throws her. “You were trying to save Daisy. And you drowned.”

“Was drowning when you woke me.”

She strokes his hair and kisses his forehead. “When’s the last time you had the Bridget dream?”

“Ten years at least.”

“Christ.”

He holds her tighter, slipping a leg between hers and tangling them together.

“You’re all right, love.”

His hand is roaming underneath her top, feeling the warmth of her skin, the familiar sensation that often seems to be the only thing that can bring him even some modicum of comfort.

“Shhh.” She rubs his back soothingly, her eyes closing.

His hand slides up to her breast, stroking it, squeezing it lightly, and his knee rubs up between her legs.

“Mm.” Eyes still closed, she traces his ear with her index finger.

Tears still wet on his cheeks, he pushes her top up and takes her other breast in his mouth, kneading the other one with his hand. She cradles him, one arm around his shoulders, the other at his lower back. His cock grows hard against her thigh and he starts griding into her unconsciously. He’s licking and sucking at her nipple, whispering her name into the darkness.

“Mm-hmm,” Ellie murmurs drowsily. “I’ve got you, love. It’s all right.”

“Ellie,” he whispers again, reverently, his hand moving from her breast to roam the rest of her body.

She raises her hips and yanks down her pyjama pants and knickers, kicking them off, then turns onto her side to face him and pulls his own down. His mouth moves to her other breast, now more accessible, as her fingers wrap around his cock, stroking him until he’s fully hard and gasping for her. She swings a leg over his hip and guides him inside her with a high-pitched sigh. Their arms are wrapped tightly around each other as they begin to move together, slowly, deliberately, foreheads touching.

“Love you, El,” he exhales, dropping his head between her neck and shoulder, breath hot on her skin. “Mm, I love you so much.”

He’ll likely be cross with her again in the morning. But none of that matters now.

Alec grips her thigh tightly, fingertips pushing hard into her flesh, then moving to her arse. She moves her hips in rhythm with his, matching his grunts with tiny gasps. Then she takes his face in her hands and kisses him, softly, then more insistently.

“You’re okay, baby,” she whispers. “You’re good.” He thrusts into her deeper. “You’re – ahhh – you’re so good.”

She feels tears hot on her cheek and realizes they’re his. He chokes out her name again in a quiet sob, followed by a few plaintive _love you, love you, love you_ s in time with his thrusts. She can only hold him tighter, kissing however much of him she can reach. When he comes, it’s quiet but full-bodied, all of him shuddering against her with everything he has, and there’s a barely audible _thank you_ on his lips. He stays inside her for as long as he can, and she holds him, whispering soothingly in his ear.

After he finally has to pull out, he keeps himself draped over her body, eventually breathing in time with her, listening to _her_ heartbeat for once. They both drift off, lulled by their measured breathing, in time with one another.

*

The baby’s cries come pouring through the monitor at 5am. Louder and much more insistent than normal. Alec and Ellie are still enveloped in each other’s arms and they slowly begin to extricate themselves.

“Do you want her,” Ellie yawns. “I can go if – “

“I’ll take her.” He stretches.

She nods. “Mm. Bring her in here if you want.”

With a yawn, he tosses off the covers. “She won’t take the bottle if you’re in the room.”

“So feed her and bring her in here. She might doze off again.”

Alec finds his briefs and tosses on a robe, then trudges off to the nursery. Aila stops crying the minute he enters the room.

He smiles. “Little minx.”

Cradling her in his arms, he takes her downstairs to the quiet, dark kitchen and warms up a bottle, then feeds her at the table. He loves few things more than he loves getting to feed her. The way she stares up at him with wide, innocent, searching eyes as she eagerly sucks down the milk from the bottle. There’s something in her big brown eyes that is so utterly wild and joyous. Like Ellie’s. He can’t get enough of them.

After she finishes, he burps her on the way up the stairs and brings her into their bedroom. Ellie is fast asleep again, lying on her back, totally dissheveled. Her hair is splayed out on the pillow, her shirt still pushed up from their lovemaking, one breast out, and one leg on top of the duvet. He places Aila, now a bit drowsy again after eating, on the mattress next to her, then crawls onto it himself, pulling up the covers. Ellie instinctively reaches for the baby and Aila grabs onto her hand as her own eyelids close. Alec lies on his side faces them with a lazy smile. He starts to doze along with them, then Ellie’s voice wakes him suddenly.

“What if Brenna’s being manipulated.”

His eyes reluctantly pop open.

“What if there’s a proverbial gun to her head.”

Alec feels for his mobile on the nightstand and sleepily types out a note, then puts it back down.

“We’ll look into it later,” he replies. “You should interview her now you're back.”

“Mmkay.”

And they both drift off again.

***


	3. Chapter 3

“Mumma, how many days until my birthday?” Fred asks, shoving a spoonful of cereal into his mouth.

“Eleven.”

All six of them are sitting around the kitchen table eating breakfast, a rare occurrence these days. Daisy has her history textbook open at the table while Tom is madly scribbling in a notebook finishing his maths homework. Alec is focused on the newspaper, the toast on his plate barely touched. Ellie has just managed to finish two soft-boiled eggs, all with a baby latched onto her nipple.

“And how many days until your birthday?”

A heavy sigh. “Fourteen.”

Alec looks up over the newspaper and smirks. She ignores him.

“I’m going to be SIX,” Fred exclaims, bouncing in his chair.

Aila becomes distracted, catching a glimpse of her energetic brother out of the corner of her eye, and detaches herself to get a better look. Ellie places a hand on Fred’s shoulder and steadies him.

“Be still, you’re distracting your sister.” She guides Aila back to her breast.

Fred looks at Ellie with an expression that is somehow both innocent and mischievous. “How old will _you_ be?”

Alec clears his throat, using the newspaper to cover his amusement.

“Old enough,” Ellie replies tersely.

“Forty-four,” Tom says, without looking up.

Ellie tosses her napkin at him with a scowl. “Quiet, you.”

“How much older is forty-four than six?!” Fred asks, beginning to drink the remaining milk from his bowl.

“Christ,” she mutters under her breath.

“Thirty-eight years,” Daisy answers, making a face at Ellie.

Fred’s eyes widen and he puts the bowl down. “That is…so many years.”

“Yeah, all right, enough then.” Aila finishes nursing and looks up at her with her signature closed mouth smile. Ellie sighs. “Don’t you start.”

*

Shortly after they arrive at CID, it is decided that Ellie will go pay Brenna Hall a visit on her own. One of the uniform drives her and keeps watch outside the house, for security’s sake, but their conversation is private. Ellie holds Brenna’s one-year-old while they talk and their ability to bond over their respective babies is what Ellie believes allows her to open up.

When she returns, Alec is standing at Katie’s desk going over Stephen Hall's credit card statements. He looks up as she approaches her own desk.

“Well?”

“Baby isn’t his.” She collapses onto her desk chair.

Alec stands up straight. “ _What_?”

“Product of a one-night stand with an old flame,” Ellie explains. Alec moves over to her desk and sits on the edge. “His birth mother apparently lives in Devon. Woman you’ve been talking to is his adopted mother. Evidently he learned of his birth mother’s existence about a year ago.”

“Does he know about the baby?” Alec questions, wringing his hands together thoughtfully.

“She isn’t certain, but thinks it’s quite possible.”

“Get the name of the mother in Devon?”

Ellie slaps a piece of paper down on her desk. Alec reaches for it. “Excellent work, Miller.”

As he heads into his office, she says, “Enjoy saying that while you can!”

“Saying what?” Katie asks, looking over her computer.

“Taking his name when we get married,” Ellie replies.

Katie raises an eyebrow. “Really? Be a bit confusing round here.”

Ellie rolls her eyes. “You’ll manage.”

*

An hour or so later, Ellie is pumping in Alec’s office.

“This is goin’ to become like our little version of a tea break, isn’t it?”

Ellie is scanning a map she’s laid next to her on the couch. “You’re the one who knocked me up.”

After a moment of quiet, Alec absently munching on baby carrots, he looks up. “What d’you think his _endgame_ is? That’s what I can’t quite wrap my head around.”

“Well, quite right. If he wanted to kill her, he’d have done it, I reckon,” she replies. “This is some sort of…mind game, isn’t it? Keep her scared.”

“Smells of revenge, doesn’t it? He must know about the baby.”

“But where does it end? He’ll not just _tire_ of it.” She sets the map aside.

“It ends when we catch him,” Alec says definitively.

“But where does it end _for him_? Where does he think it ends? Clearly he’s not planning on being _caught_.” She sets about detaching the breast pump. “Still think we ought to involve child services.”

“No.”

“Brenna at least needs to know it’s an _option_.”

“If she was worried about the baby’s safety, she’d have told us,” Alec says. “At the very least she’d have told _you_ , today.”

“Mm-hmm,” Ellie says skeptically. “And would _you_ be thinking clearly right now if you were Brenna?”

He fixes his gaze on her. “’s not our place, Ellie.”

She holds up a container of breast milk. “Freezer, please.”

*

In the evening, Alec and Ellie find themselves with an almost empty house at dinner time. Daisy and Tom are with their respective partners, Fred is having dinner at a mate’s. Aila falls asleep in her bouncer around 6:30, stirring mixed feelings in her parents, who know she’ll just be up again by eleven and oh what joy.

After leaving Aila in her crib, Alec finds Ellie tidying up the kitchen. An easy task, it having been just the two of them for dinner. She turns and leans back against the counter, wiping her hands on a towel.

“Eerie, isn’t it?” She looks around, listening. “The quiet.”

He closes the gap between them, hooking both index fingers to the beltloops of her trousers. “Eerie indeed.” Leaning forward, he plants a kiss on her collarbone, then another on her throat before looking at her. “We’ll float the idea of child services to Brenna in the mornin’.”

She smiles. “Good. We’ll all sleep better, I suspect.”

Alec pulls her to him, sliding his arms around her waist, lips dragging along her clavicle, beard lightly scratching at her skin.

She tilts her head back. “What do you think it’s about?” She asks. “Your nightmares resurfacing.”

“Dunno,” he murmurs into her skin.

Ellie rubs his back soothingly. “Alec, it’s two in a row. That’s not a coincidence, love.”

He lays his head at her shoulder and holds her tighter, but does not respond otherwise.

“It’s because the case involves a child, isn’t it,” she assumes. “It must be.”

“Mm.” He closes his eyes as she begins to rock him ever so slightly.

She lifts his head so he’s looking at her, eyes dark and exhausted. “Did you have nightmares during Danny?”

“What do you think,” he replies gruffly.

“Mm.” She nods. “S’pose we all had nightmares during Danny. I was _sleeping_ next to one.”

Alec grimaces at the image. She kisses his scruffy cheek. His nimble fingers begin unbuttoning her blouse. She just watches with a half-smile for a moment, then says, “Have to pick up Fred in twenty minutes.”

“Plenty of time.” He dips his head between her breasts.

She snorts. “For what exactly?”

“A good kitchen snog,” he replies, words muffled. Then he lifts her up onto the counter suddenly and she lets out a little yelp. He brings his lips to hers and smiles. “That all right with you?”

Her fingertips travel along his jawline and she smiles back. “Nothing better to do, have I?”

He tangles his fingers in her hair then kisses her softly, unhurriedly, knowing they can’t go much further than this. There’s something lovely about just getting to kiss her for twenty minutes. He keeps it up, capturing her smiling lips over and over.

“Nice havin’ you back at work,” he says quietly.

“Is it.” She runs her fingertips up and down his back, content to let herself be kissed.

“Mm-hmm.” His lips move to her jaw. “Everythin’ makes more sense now. We lose so much without your…your…”

She pulls back just the tiniest bit, smirk plain on her face, so that he has to look at her. “My what.”

He shakes his head, but he’s smiling. “Saucy minx, your _empathy_ , all right?”

“Ah, yes.”

“Your intuition’s not like anyone else’s.”

She’s grinning now. “No.”

He reaches for her and pulls her lips back to his. “Your fine skill for deductive reasoning is wasted on an infant.”

Ellie laughs out loud, then presses her forehead to his. “Uh huh.”

His fingers go back to the buttons of her blouse, finishing what they’d started. “And besides that there is evidence suggest I am a much… _kinder_ boss when you’re around.”

“Is that so.”

He untucks her blouse and pushes it open. “So I’m told, anyway.”

Alec tosses a boyish smile her way, then focuses his attention lower. He brings a hand to her throat, then slides it down, over her collarbone, her chest, in between her breasts. He traces the scattered freckles on her chest with a fingertip like he’s connecting the dots, utterly mesmerized by her. Then he kisses the small birth mark on the inside of one breast, lingering there a moment. She watches him, lightly combing her fingers through his hair.

“Christ, I am so bloody lucky.”

He’s gently pressing his lips to as much of her breasts as he can access. “How’s that,” he murmurs.

“The man Brenna Hall loves terrorizes her and abuses her beyond reason,” she replies. Alec raises his head to meet her eyes. “The man _I_ love touches me like I’m silk and looks at me like…I’m a sky full of stars.” She blinks away the moisture in her eyes. “And that’s only luck, that is.”

Alec strokes her cheek with the back of his hand. “If you’re feelin’ guilty…” Her gaze falls and he knows that she is. “…You were married to a paedophile for twelve years. You did your time. You deserve this. And one day Brenna will get what she deserves as well.”

She nods, though she is not entirely convinced.

“And you _are_ …” He brings his lips to her neck and kisses his way back down to her breasts. “My sky full of stars.”

Later on, after they put Fred to bed, he makes love to her on top of all the covers on the bed, both of them still partly clothed. It’s not heated but it is _needed_ , and it hardly lasts longer than fifteen minutes. It leaves them both feeling sated and grateful, incredibly loved. When it’s over, they curl up together on the living room couch, watching telly as they wait for Tom and Daisy to come home by curfew. The baby _does_ wake up again around eleven, and they decide to simply bring her to bed with them. Aila lies on Alec’s bare chest as they lay side by side reading their books. He doesn't dream at all that night.

*

The next morning, they stop at the café on their way into work to satisfy Ellie’s scone craving. When they walk into CID, everyone on the floor is scrambling.

“Just got a shout,” Katie says. “Stephen Hall’s been back to the house again.”

Without waiting to hear more, Alec and Ellie turn right back around and head for the car. There’s an ambulance outside the house and far more uniformed officers than they’re used to at this particular scene. Ellie swallows the last mouthful of her scone and follows Alec into the house. The first thing she clocks is Brenna Hall crouched in a corner of the living room, shaking and weeping. Before she can go to her, Alec grabs onto her wrist and she follows his gaze to a white sheet on the floor covering an impossibly small body.

She stiffens, inhaling sharply before all the breath seems to leave her body. She reaches for Alec’s forearm and turns into him, instinctively hiding her face in his shoulder. He cannot look away. He stands there staring, gone completely white.

Bob steps into the living room for the rest, followed by an inferior officer. “Bloody hell, what are they doing here?”

The officer looks terrified.

Ellie is suddenly seized by nausea and runs out of the house, vomiting in the garden just outside the door. Slowly and wordlessly, Alec follows after her.

“I _told_ you to tell them not to let Hardy and Miller down here,” Bob is saying.

“Yes, sir, but I didn’t know how to explain why.”

Bob scowls at him as he walks away. “They have a _baby_ at home.”

“…Together?”

“Yes, together!”

In the garden, Alec places a hand at Ellie’s back as she stands up again, chest heaving. Brian walks past them into the house.

“What the hell are Hardy and Miller doin’ here?!”

Alec guides Ellie down the pathway back toward the car, weaving through a sea of emergency services officers. He gets Ellie seated in the passenger’s seat, then waves Bob over.

“Uh.” He clears his throat, looking down at the ground. “Cause of death?”

“Ligature strangulation. Lacerations on the chest and neck. All we know for now.”

Alec nods and gets into the driver’s seat. They sit in the car silently for upwards of twenty minutes. No one bothers them. At some point, Ellie reaches for his hand, but they don’t look at each other. Alec catches a glimpse of the infant’s covered body being wheeled into the ambulance, and then looks over at Ellie’s tear-stained face.

“I need to go to Brenna,” she says, voice breaking.

He nods slowly. “I’ll check in with SoCo.”

They get out of the car and walk hand in hand back to the house. Brenna is still a shrunken ball in the corner. Within seconds of approaching her, Ellie finds herself on the floor cradling her. Alec watches them for a moment, then continues on to Brian.

In the middle of the run down from Brian, he gets a call from Katie. They’ve found Stephen Hall at a petrol station halfway between Broadchurch and Devon.

At 11:30am, they pull into their own drive. Stephen Hall has been taken into custody and Brenna’s mother has arrived from Yorkshire.

Molly is surprised when she hears a key in the lock followed by their entrance. They hadn’t had the forethought to text her. She comes to the door holding Aila. At the sight of the baby, and having passed her usual 11am pumping time, Ellie’s eyes aren’t the only things leaking. She takes Aila from Molly’s arms and holds her so tightly she may burst.

Alec asks her if she can stay late today, at least until Daisy and Tom get home with Fred. She can go take a lunch now, they’ll stay with the baby for half an hour or so, then head back to work to wrap up the case. Molly nods, sensing the gravity of the situation, and leaves for lunch.

Ellie is immediately unbuttoning her now milk-stained blouse to nurse Aila, needing it just as much as she does. Alec sits beside them, an arm around Ellie’s shoulders pulling her close. His other hand holds Aila’s tiny one.

“I love her so much,” Ellie squeaks out, with a sniffle.

He kisses her temple. “Me too.”

“Think how close we were to not having her at all.”

Alec would rather not. He just looks at her.

“If I hadn’t switched out my birth control, if we hadn’t…if she hadn’t just _happened_ to us…” She swallows, shaking her head.

“It might’ve happened eventually. We might’ve – "

Ellie is shaking her head more fervently now. “I didn’t want a baby. You know I didn’t want a baby. If it hadn’t been an accident, I don’t think I’d _ever_ have – “

He frowns at her with concern. “Do you think about that?”

“…Sometimes.”

He kisses her hair. “We were meant to have this baby and so we do. There’s no use thinkin’ of it any other way. It was beyond either of us.”

Aila coughs, seems utterly confused by it, then goes right back to nursing.

Ellie turns to Alec with a sudden grin, thoroughly charmed by the moment. He smiles back.

“She’s an odd one, our wee lass.” He touches the baby’s cheek. “I reckon she’d have found her way to us one way or another, eh?”

Ellie nods and lays her head on his shoulder.

“We must do better at remembering to be grateful,” she says. “For _all_ of this.”

“I think we do just fine at that, frankly.”

“But we can do _better_.”

“Fine,” he replies agreeably. “We’ll do better.”

*

After a long afternoon at CID wrapping up the case, Ellie heads back home at 6pm to make sure the kids are all fed, bathed, and grateful for what they have. Which is mostly met with rolled eyes and heavy sighs. Alec decides to stay at the office a little longer, so as not to be buried entirely under the mountain of paperwork that will no doubt await him tomorrow. Close to 7pm, there’s a knock on his open office door and he looks up to find CS Jenkinson standing there.

“Ma’am.”

“Got a minute?”

“Course.” He gestures for her to sit opposite his desk.

“Good work wrapping up the Hall case.”

Alec shakes his head, avoiding her case. “If we’d wrapped it up sooner – “

“Don’t think of that.”

“Fat chance of _that_.”

Jenkinson pauses, taking a second to look aimlessly around the room. “I know it’s been a long day. Long week. But. DCI Burrows has taken a transfer to Bath.”

Alec’s eyes widen and he rubs his face, leaning back in his chair. “ _Oh_.”

“Mother is ill or some such. I didn’t ask too many questions.”

“Right.”

She crosses one leg over the other. “Which means the position is available. If you’re interested.”

He sits up straight again, squinting in exhaustion. “You’re offerin’ me the job.”

“Don’t look so surprised. You _are_ next in the line of succession after all.” Her lips curl in mild amusement.

“And so then, the DI position…”

“Well.” Jenkinson purses her lips. “Of course next in line would be Ellie.”

“…Right.”

“But Ellie is still more or less on maternity leave.”

He shakes his head. “She’s not – “

“Half days after four months off?” She leans back, folding her arms across her chest. “That’s all fine by me, but not for the DI gig. Just not possible.”

Alec is silent for a moment, still rubbing his face, leaning forward over his desk.

“Well.” Jenkinson leans forward now too, squaring in on him. “What’ll it be?”

***


End file.
